When I received last night a text message from Alyssa asking if I had, "gotten over her" I was instantly struck with dread, dread at the thought that this message might prompt me to fall back into the deep depression out of which I am still slowly crawling. But also I felt a twinge of irony. "No" I though to myself, "I am not over her, not in the slightest." And so, I now begin again in the middle of summer. Though my first attempt to move failed miserably, I still believe that there is hope for me to find a new beginning. The new school year provides an excuse for a new beginning, but just as I have always known but never understood how to utilize, I must make an internal change before I can move on.
On my list of goals for the next year are excellent grades, new friendships, maintenance of old friendships and an achievement of a sustained peace-of-mind.
I just got off the phone with my therapist. Not surprisingly it was very therapeutic. She really helped me realize that I can achieve what I want if I just become more proactive. I am now more inspired to engage in and fight for things that I care about like my burning passion for music. I am beginning to realize that if I don't fight for what I believe in, right here, right now, I will never lead a fulfilled life.
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